Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
