Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
