Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
