butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
