I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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