I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
