Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
