New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
