She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
