....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
