Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
