I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
