i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
