come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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