Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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