arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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