so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
