I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
