yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
