I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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