I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize