My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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