I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
