so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
