i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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