im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
