I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
