porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize