i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
