fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
