funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
