Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
