Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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