Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
