hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
