Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
