something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
