haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
