**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
