we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
