I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
