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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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• (209): View more from California

  AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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• (626): View more from California

  Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

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• (530): View more from California

  I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.

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• (315): View more from New York

  After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.

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• (805): View more from California

  Is the party worth it?

  (512): View more from Texas

  I am drink. Beer pony and singing.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.

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• (818): View more from California

  I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me

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