I wish I only lived at night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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