How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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