i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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