so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
