Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
