dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So apparently I’m into choking now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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