Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
