sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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