You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
