Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
