I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
