Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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