We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
