Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
