My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She's the barista slut.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think my moral compass just broke
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
