His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm having to shit out rocks
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