I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
