yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
