u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
