I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
