More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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