you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
