I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
