My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
