I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
