Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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