The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am naked and annoyed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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